
Like I said, I tried to figure out what I did that sent me over the edge. Nothing. In fact I had been doing the same things that I thought I should. I had been reading my bible... It was just very dry. I was praying... It just felt worthless. I even would play my guitar and sing old and new songs to God... it just seemed as though the only one hearing were the dogs(and they hide when I get out the guitar!). Then, in the midst of all of my questions why, I read a quote from Charles Spurgeon. He said that there were valleys in his life that he was really discouraged. But those times were always followed by greater mountains than he had ever experienced. He said that the discouragement was there to do nothing but refine him. He said that in order for God to breathe new life, He had to kill off all that should be dead. I realized that God really has been opening up my eyes to the darkness inside me. Thus the dark days I have been in.
The true test is in the metronome though. Some people get to a dark valley and decided that they don't like it so they ought to make some changes. They might stop reading the Bible when they feel it of no more value than the morning paper. They might quit singing songs to God for fear of being fake. They might quit praying especially if they feel like no one's listening. But our determination and discipline in those times, I believe, determines the height of the next mountaintop.
The day after one of my darkest, I read Isaiah 40. I had to find it so that I could get some sort of encouragement. I discovered something. Some versions say, "Those that WAIT on the Lord shall renew their strength." I read the NIV that said, "Those that HOPE in the Lord shall renew their strength." So, "who cares?" you say? I read some footnotes in the study bible that said that if we wait on God as if there is no other solution that will prove fruitful, we will find our strength. If I hope in the Lord, believing that the only answer lies in Him, then I'll find my strength.
It's the metronome. I started my walk with God believing that He alone was the answer. So, I read my Bible to see what He has to say. I pray believing that He hears. And I sing believing that His presence dwells in my worship. When I'm down, nothing should change.
In the valleys that we'll all endure, the way out is perfectly straight. Keep the disciplines you knew when you first came to believe. God will speak. He just may want to see what kind of mountain you can handle!